Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
