please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
