those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
