It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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