i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
