Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
