Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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