Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
