I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
