those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
