Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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