chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
