My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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