I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
