Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
