Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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