Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
