i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Less talking, more tequila
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
