That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
smell my finger.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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