There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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