I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
