i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
