I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
