This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
