I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
