I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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