just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
