I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
