also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
