I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
