Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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