I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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