I just saw a hot homeless man
Small penises have feelings too.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
