i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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