Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
