Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
