the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
