I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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