Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
