I just cut my nipple shaving
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize