ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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