I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
