so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
