I am puke
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
