Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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