Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
