I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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