we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
