tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's official drugs can't kill me
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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