Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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