we made out on top of his cat.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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